I have been considering this for days now, wondering how my intention to practice being kinder to myself can actually be put into action. It is true, and simple, and not truly that simple at all. It makes total sense that treating yourself with kindness would lend itself to feeling happier, doesn’t it? I was talking to a dear friend recently who was having a very human response to some upheaval in her life, and I asked, "Well, how do you talk to yourself?” And she said, “I don’t.” I felt kind of stunned by her response and it made me wonder which is less loving, talking to yourself in unkind ways, or not at all? I’m remembering what EE Cummings said, “I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart.” And also what RuPaul said, we have to love ourselves first, because if we don’t, “Honey, how the hell you gonna love anybody else?!” I am feeling like it might finally be time for me to carry my own damn heart for once. To carry a torch for myself. The mere notion that I might look back five years from now and see myself as my old flame, simply because I was conscious enough to give myself these gifts: kindness, compassion, love. The idea itself fills me with hope. I am worthy of love, yes, we are all innately worthy of and made of love. So why have I been expecting that love to come from outside? Love itself begins in my own heart, and if I can learn to love myself, truly and simply, there’s no way that practice won’t deepen and strengthen the love I’m sharing with others. So, I’m starting over (again); I am picking up the thread of practicing self love: so that I may be happy, so that I may be at peace, so that I may be full of loving kindness. Just for me. Namaste.

Have you heard that “neurons that fire together wire together?” Or “what you focus on expands?” Though it’s no secret that life is bitter and sweet, and we are meant to feel all of it, so we can get through all of it, we often lean toward one or the other, the bitter or the sweet, and sort of take it on as our persona. If you have a chronic illness, for example, and you focus on your symptoms and how unwell you’re feeling, most likely, you’ll continue to feel unwell. If you focus on your healing, however, you might just shift the neurons to wire together from a more positive standpoint. If you struggle with anxiety, like most of us humans, and you describe yourself as “an anxious person,” or function in life around your anxiety, instead of requiring it to function around your life, you’ll probably believe, and therefore, live your life as an anxious person, instead of a person with anxiety. In essence, attitude actually is everything. The way you think about your life and how you’re living it will literally transform your brain chemistry, for better or worse, for bitter or sweet. Place your hand over your heart and take a few breaths now as you think about what is sweet in your life. Focus on that, just for today, and see if anything shifts. Namaste.

When was the last time you paused to tune in to your breath? The breath is this miraculous thing that happens in our bodies with no effort on our part, without even a thought. But if you take the time to focus on the breath, it’s like an automatic reset for your entire system. One deep and mindful breath can change the momentum of the moment. 

Give yourself a moment now to notice your breath, see where it feels spacious and free. Notice where it gets caught. Without trying to change anything or make it feel a certain way, just breathe. Notice every part of your breath, where you feel the breath in your body. Maybe the rise and fall of the belly and chest, maybe even a lift at the roof of your mouth. You might sense the cool air drifting in through the nose on the inhale, the warm air coasting out through your nose on the exhale. The inhale may feel like rising up, the exhale like letting go.

You may notice a natural pause at the top of the inhale and a sweet emptiness at the bottom of the exhale. You may also notice none of this. It doesn’t even matter, just tuning in to the breath is where the difference will be made. 

Give yourself one minute. Do you have one minute to close your eyes, place one hand on your belly and one hand on your heart? Pause and just breathe. Namaste.

Often on the mat during centering I’ll offer an invitation to “check in with yourself and see how you’re showing up.” Without judgment, without criticism. It can be an uncomfortable thing to investigate how we are showing up in life, for ourselves, for the people we love. But it’s worth exploring.

Did you ever have that friend or person in your life that never failed to disappoint you? Maybe they just didn’t know how to show up and were too afraid to ask what you need. Maybe you got tired of reminding them to be a better friend. It can be so disappointing, so hard to stomach, especially when you’ve been there for that person through thick and thin.

It has helped me to reframe by reminding MYSELF instead that that person can’t even show up for her own life, so how can I expect her to show up for mine? And is it possible that my preoccupation with how someone shows up (or doesn’t) is actually a reflection of me? (Most likely.) 

Consider this: if a friend came to you in need and asked you to show up, would you? Could you? Maybe there’s someone you can think of right now who needs you. Are you willing to reach out to that person and say, Hey, how can I show up for you? Or maybe it’s as simple as looking in the mirror and saying to yourself, Hey, how can I show up for me?

I had been pondering this idea of showing up for weeks, and wondering what to say about it. Then last week on the mat, the teacher said, “There is no right or wrong way to show up.” I thought, “Dammit, that’s true.” Sometimes it’s easy to forget that my way isn’t always the only, right way. Or that I’m not always right, even about the things I’m sure of. I forgot that what’s right for me may not be right for someone else. I guess I’ve been noticing the showing up with criticism, with judgment.

If any of this pontification resonates with you, just know that it doesn’t matter how you show up as long as you do. Keep Showing Up.

Ardha Hanumanasana (or half split, half monkey pose) became my favorite yoga pose of 2020. From a low lunge, extend the front leg long and lean your hips back toward your back heel. The front toes lift to the sky, and maybe the heart shines forward. This pose represents a “leap of faith.” The many times I practiced this pose this year, its deeper meaning resonating with me each time, I felt something shift. As with any shape we make in yoga, the pose’s intention can help us metaphorically practice the pose off the mat. So much happened last year, and so much didn’t happen. I felt like all I could do was keep leaping faithfully into the next moment. As Joseph Campbell said, “We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” If nothing else, 2020 taught us that. Now, on the first day of this long awaited new year, I leap faithfully forward once more, open to what is coming next, whatever is in front of me now. What are you faithfully leaping toward? 

I’ve been paying closer attention to the lyrics of holiday music this year. I’ve been borrowing certain meaningful phrases to theme yoga classes, and some of them have stuck with me, stuck out for me, for weeks now. “Let your heart be light” is a theme I’ve been using for heart opening poses this past month, and I love the thought of it; lift your heart to the heavens and don’t allow it to be heavy. (It’s even the sentiment on this year’s Christmas card!) “All is calm, all is bright” is something I’ve been dreaming about lately, too. Who among us hasn’t been seeking more calm when life gets stressful, more brightness when life gets dull? But the one that struck the deepest chord is “the thrill of hope.” I first saw it on a coffee mug, and I’ve not put it out of my mind since. This year has been challenging to say the least, and we’ve lost a lot: time with friends and family, maybe our jobs, or income. Maybe even our place in the world, as we once saw it. Somehow, though, I haven’t lost hope. And that is, in fact, thrilling, in light of the circumstances. Some may say, “Don’t get your hopes up,” especially after the year we’ve had. But I say, “Why not?” So my wish for you this holiday season is that you can find something to be hopeful for, and lean into the thrill of that hope. Merry Christmas, y’all. And Namaste. 

Ahh the infamous rhetorical question we may not really want to know the answer to. How many times in your life have you asked this question in passing, kept walking, not waiting for the answer? It’s almost as fleeting as “hello.” Lately I’ve been more curious about How Are You. When I ask someone, I want to listen to the answer. And when someone takes the time to ask me, I want to share an honest answer. These days, I never really know how I am until I lie down on my mat, one palm spread across my low belly, the other stretched across my heart, tuning into the movement of my body as my breath fills my hands. I have to sink in, deliberately surrendering until I can hear that small voice within. Most of the time I’m so distracted (usually by design) that I don’t know how I am. But when I’m quiet on purpose, when I can be still on purpose, traveling down out of my head, away from the race of my thoughts and into my body, that’s when it’s like a choir (or two) of angels find their song from somewhere deep inside of me. Then I hear the answer to how I am. Feel how you are; your heart is battered but still beating, you’ve fallen but you’re still standing. You’ve been holding on for dear life, even as you’re learning to let go. “You still are.” I still am. I am. I just am. I am already ok. I am already whole. I am already perfect. 

Have you noticed the many funny memes for social distancing and Quarantine? One of my favorites is, “What a year this week has been.” There’s another one that says, “Alexa? Shut off my feelings.” If only. When we slow down, and we have to face ourselves a little more readily, it can feel really challenging, painful even. We can be so easily spoiled into thinking away our feelings, or distracting ourselves from any discomfort or unease. The truth is we are meant to feel all the feelings, not just the pleasant ones. Who knew? And the quieter you get, the more you can hear. That still, small voice inside is suddenly loud as hell. Maybe this time is a valuable opportunity for us to actually listen to her, to really feel what’s going on within us. We have little else to do anyway at a time like this. You don’t even have to brace yourself, just feel. You can handle it all, you can promise yourself that. Shelter in place, but don’t shelter your feelings. Feel all the feels.

Yesterday I saw an article that said “Positive Vibes Only” (“YASSSS,” my sassy inner psyche screamed) until I saw the second part of the title “is Toxic.” (“Oh, no,” My inner Phoebe Buffay lamented.) As I’ve shared before, at the beginning of my yogi life, I had high aspirations of creating and living a perfectly serene life. No overhead lights. No loud noises. No toxic people, no complainers, just blissful yoga practices daily, and reading uplifting books, and walking a path of pure positivity. It actually was possible for a little while, and then I realized this was NOT realistic, not attainable. You cannot control (anything) especially not all the vibes in the world. The only thing you can control is your response to the vibes you get. 

At this pivotal and thoughtful time in our history, what I’m asking myself is essentially this: 

What can I do to make my life feel more positive every day?  

Instead of depending on the world to be a constantly and consistently positive place, I will do the best I can to stay positive, send good vibes, avoid complaining and notice (and feel) all of my feelings. I will take this time to let myself off the hook (how many times have I said that on this blog thing??). I will hold space for hope that a better and more thoughtful world will result from living in the world we’re in right this moment. And maybe I can just focus on being one who sends positive vibes instead of waiting for positive vibes only to find me. Join me in the positive vibes, would you?

Day Whatever This Is of Quarantine: I was truly tested today when I went to put clothes in the dryer. I was being asked to do the thing I can NEVER do: keep quiet. Wife had washed something of mine in hot water and dried it on high, and it went from being a beautiful red and white floral kantha blanket, to a not as beautiful red and PINK floral kantha blanket. In her defense, I had not taken the time to mention that this lovely and coveted thing of mine needed to be washed on the hand wash cycle, with gentle detergent, and hung to dry. I should never have left it in the laundry room in the first place. Just as I made this discovery, I could feel myself unraveling, the heat rising in my face and neck… but by some miracle, I had the presence of mind to remember Eleanor Roosevelt, and I thought to myself, “You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” So all day, I’ve been biting my tongue, repeating to myself, “I love pink and red together, I love pink and red together, I love pink and red together.” (Actually, I do.)

This is a silly example of doing something you think you can’t; in my case, holding my tongue. This has never been my strong suit, especially not when I’m pissed or disappointed, or both. We are being asked right now to do a lot of things we didn’t think were possible. Don’t socialize (in a way that you’re used to); don’t see your friends in person; don’t go to Target on Saturday morning (which I almost always do). No massages, no pedicures, no nothing that you usually do to care for yourself. Don’t go to work, don’t send your kids to school, don’t send your Senior to prom or graduation. It’s unfathomable, right? We are being asked to do all these hard things and at the same time give up all the things that make the hard things not so hard.

Yet, we’re doing it. We’re (hopefully) staying home. We’re figuring out how to shelter in place, how to tolerate each other 23 hours a day, how to make do. Many of you are figuring out how to home school your kids, and in the process, you’re finding an unprecedented level of gratitude for their teachers. Maybe you’re taking this time to take stock of your life and maybe you’re even letting yourself off the damn hook. 

Whatever you’re doing now, however you show up, just keep doing it. Whatever it is in this moment, not for the rest of the week or the rest of the time we are asked to do our part to level the curve, just for right now, do the thing you think you cannot do. Namaste. 

I’ve long believed we are all one, all the same in more ways that not, all “walking each other home,” all soldiers of love in God’s army. And now I believe this more than ever before. Everybody is saying this global health crisis will return us to a place of looking out for each other and realizing we’re part of the Human Race and we need to stick together. Everybody is saying it, so it must be true. But how can we look out for each other if we’re not permitted to see each other? We can stay home and FaceTime over drinks on a Saturday night instead of going out with our girlfriends. We can practice yoga together virtually. We can stay connected in so many different ways because we have the gift of technology. Yes, it’s boring. And yes, it can be lonely. But it’s temporary, and it’s the number one way we can look out for each other. Get creative. Set up a Zoom call with a few of your close friends and have coffee together. Or invite a friend to practice yoga at the same time with one of the many resources available (for free) online now. I’d love a lip wax, but it’s not going to be a priority right now. I’d love a pedicure, too, but I’ll have to do it myself this month. Also, be aware of fear mongering. Yours and that of others. People are freaking out now, and they believe all things they hear in the media, bullshit and truths. Fear can take over if you let it. So focus on facts instead. And don’t start every sentence with “I heard” followed by {insert most fear-inducing ridiculous thing you saw on tv here}. Use your yoga off the mat to be kind and comfort one another. Don’t incite fear and panic, be the calm you wish to see in the world. We can and will get through this, together.

Take a moment to rub your palms together and create some heat between your hands, all the way out to your fingertips. Then, stacking your hands one on top of the other, place them over your heart. Take a deep breath in through your nose and gently exhale out through your mouth. Just pause here for a moment and breathe in the healing warmth of your own hands. See if you can stay just for a moment longer, and consider this a quick and accessible way to reground when you become frazzled or when you feel disconnected (from yourself or others). If you feel a shift in perspective or how you feel, especially near your heart space, consider repeating this simple exercise a few times a day or anytime you need a few moments to yourself. If you have more time available, close your eyes and keep your hands folded over your heart for five to ten deeper breaths. Return to yourself.

What a loaded question. I spend at least half of my energy trying to be self aware. Most days I manage to view myself as likable, as hard as that is to admit sometimes. I am friendly and I have a great manners, I interact well with strangers, and I love to make a good first impression. But again, life, especially when it comes to being human, is hard sometimes and we don’t always have a clear picture of how we present ourselves to others. Give yourself a moment every day to look inward and check in with yourself. See how you’re showing up in the world. Could you be kinder? Could you slow your pace and settle into yourself in a more comfortable way? Take yet another opportunity to assess yourself and how you’re moving through this life. Would you like you if you met you?

Here we are again, NYE, time to consider our resolutions, our bucket list, our to-do’s for the new year. And not only that, we’re starting a new decade, so the (false, self-imposed) pressure is ON. What is on your list of intentions for flipping the calendar to January tomorrow? What’s your “2020 Vision?” How are you going to Just Go For It this year? I have big plans for the new year: more yoga, more reading, less bullshit (whatever that means on any given day). Be more patient with the people I love, let myself off the hook, Sugar-Free January, reduce my carbon footprint. Finally learn to crochet, speak French, practice singing Avé Maria (just in case I get invited to sing at any funerals). I’ll be leading a yoga retreat in Nicaragua in November and seeing a best friend get hitched in Hawaii in December. And still, with all these plans, all these intentions, I’m also hoping to go easy on myself if I don’t achieve all this. My hope for you this New Year’s Eve is that you can be calm and content, hoping for the best and accepting what is, and if you learn to crochet or speak French, or cook or drive a motorcycle (or not), just know that you remain forever worthy. And Loved. And exactly where you are meant to be in every moment. Namasté, mes amis.

Late November always feels hectic and everyone seems to be in a frenzy. The time between Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve flies by in an instant, and with each passing year, time slips faster through the hour glass. You may feel overwhelmed, stressed, hurried, buried or just plain over it by December 1st. You might even be grieving for the loved ones who won’t be with you this year. The Dalai Lama gives us a clear message here; it may be misleading at first, it’s almost like he’s going to let us off the hook if we can’t manage kindness all the time… but then the truth shines through. It is always possible to be kind. That doesn’t mean it’s always easy, but I believe our Lama is onto something. Like all things in life, being kind unconditionally is a practice. Maybe it helps to practice the golden rule, or to take a deep breath before you respond to an email or a text. Maybe practicing kindness toward others will help you practice kindness toward yourself, or perhaps the other way around. It always feels a little less stressful to be kind, anger and bitterness take too much of our precious energy. So just a reminder about kindness: Make it Possible. 

Breathe this in for a moment… such a difficult lesson to learn. We have to send out the vibes to the universe that we want to receive. I don’t want to match rudeness with rudeness, inconsideration with inconsideration. If I need peace and quiet, I need to get quiet. If I need to be considered, I need to be more considerate. Instead of policing and trying to control, I need to let go and try to be what I need from others. I can’t be ungrateful and expect to get thanked. I can’t walk around pissed off at the world and expect the world to be sweet. Once again, a reminder to practice letting go, practice being kind in order to receive kindess, practice what we hope to attract from the world. Try a little tenderness. Namaste.

When I first saw this, it really gave me pause. Everything in life is effected by our personal perspective, even love. Maybe even MOSTLY love. I have long believed that every act of kindness we commit is for the act of kindness itself. We don’t give a gift just to receive a thank you note. We don’t do a good job just so we can be appreciated, and if we don’t receive appreciation for a job well done, that should have no bearing on how well we do in the first place. We don’t give to receive. This concept of doing FROM love versus FOR love resonates loudly with me. I believe that being a kind, helpful human is part of being the best version of myself I can be. And though it feels spectacular to be appreciated, especially in writing, I cannot be attached to that outcome anymore. This has been such a hard lesson to learn, but when leading with love, it just so happens to be the most loving option, for the love of self and others. 

During times of stress or strife, it strikes me when people say to one another, “You just have to be strong.” So often, we perceive our moments of so-called weakness (such as crying, falling apart, snaps of anger) as an indication that we are not strong. What’s important to remember is that we are already strong. A moment of “weakness” does not take away from that innate strength we’re made of. (That’s why they’re called moments of weakness.) We’re human, so we’re prone to bad days (and good), to making mistakes (and small victories) and to living our messy, amazing lives one moment at a time, in the best way we can. But never are we weak. We are born with the power to be amazing, and that personal power builds over time if you tend to it. Tell yourself you’re already strong and you’ll feel it from within. You don’t have to “be strong,” you already are.

I invite you now to place your hands over your heart. If you can, close your eyes and breathe, just for a moment…When you open your eyes, ask this of yourself: what do I love about me? It’s such a struggle to find that answer sometimes. Maybe you think you have cute feet. Or nice eyes, or an easy time being polite. Can you dig just a little deeper? It took me longer than I thought it would to pinpoint my own answers (today; tomorrow may be different). I love that I’m a good cook because it took so much time and effort to get there. I love my ability to provide a calming presence because it is essential to my work and helpful in the practice of teaching yoga. And I love that I try to see people as always doing their best, because it helps me consider myself in the same way. Maybe it’s a good idea to put this self love identification into practice, too. Set a calendar reminder to check in with yourself and ask once in a while, What do I love about myself? Whatever comes up, embrace it, cultivate it. Learn to love yourself any way you can. 

What a simple, loaded question to ask yourself: what makes you glad you are alive? Nature, good food, hard laughter, your work? Your relationships, the ocean, ice cream, your dog? Something that makes us happy might be easier to identify than what makes us happy to be alive. Take a moment to breathe in and name what you cannot imagine living without…something that brings you such joy and love, you need it to feel alive. As you breathe out, feel the amazing possibility of expanding your life by focusing on what makes you feel alive, what makes it all worth being here. Lean toward whatever it is, and settle your attention on the good things in your life, those things that make you glad you’re alive. Let go of your grasp on the opposite. Be present with the lively goodness you already hold dear. Stay close. You are alive.

I truly believe that at any given moment, we are exactly where we are meant to be. “Given moment.” Breathe that in for a moment. How would it feel to perceive each moment as a gift we’re given? To believe that the place where you are RIGHT now truly is the right place for you? Even when we’re struggling and things seem out of whack, what if we are right there, in a perfect spot that God Himself circled on a map? How powerful and empowering would that be? If we could see each moment, even hard, frustrating, heartbreaking moments, as just the perfect spot, one that was predestined, predetermined? Would we breathe more easily and walk more gently through the world if this were true? Only one way to find out…

Every Spring, I wait (quite impatiently) for the three gorgeous cherry blossom trees in our front yard to show signs of life. The pink fluffy flowers begin as tight little promises of what’s to come. Before I know it, the flowers are everywhere! And so beautiful! I pray for a windy Spring day when the blooms are ready to let go, because then the lawn looks like it’s covered with pink snow. Even though the cherry blossoms don’t stay for long, I recognize them as a reminder of so many things. Nature is such an amazing metaphor for life. I ask myself: What am I waiting for? How can I be as patient as those flowers? What promises have I made to myself that I have yet to keep? Where can I let go? How can Spring itself give me a fresh start and a new beginning?

What a beautiful and fitting idea, let’s stop searching for who we think we need or want to be, and just be who we are right now. What would that feel like? If we stopped reaching and striving and comparing and struggling against what we dislike about ourselves? What if we just allowed ourselves to be? Every time I teach, I often remind students (and myself), “You are already perfect.” It’s not just lip service, I truly believe this. Even with our imperfections, we are perfect already. Show yourself compassion and love, stop spinning. Just be what you already are.

For the last few years, I have been practicing an attitude of gratitude. It used to be that when life got difficult, or things weren't turning out the way I had hoped, it was easy to focus on what I didn't have. However, our attitude about life is very important, and our mood, our thoughts and our perspective feed our attitudes. I began focusing instead on what I already have, giving thanks for all the abundance around me. When I find a friend who is down and out, I often suggest that we share a 21-day gratitude challenge. The premise of the challenge is to list three things daily that you are grateful for. If it's really tough, and things are looking pretty grim, you may need to start small and get back to basics, i.e., "I'm grateful for the fact that I have a job" or "I'm grateful I woke up this morning." After a few days, your perspective begins to shift and you begin to look forward to listing the things that make you feel grateful. By the end of three weeks, you feel refreshed and your outlook has changed. Sharing the experience with a friend is great, too, because you can hold one another accountable. Give this exercise a try, and see if it helps cultivate an attitude of gratitude for you!

Is it easier for you to list things you hate about yourself than the things you love about yourself? Can you even make a list of things you love about yourself or does it feel too "selfish?" I have trouble believing the good stuff, too. Just as Vivian said in Pretty Woman, "the bad stuff is easier to believe." If you're ready to make a shift in this mentality, start by learning to graciously accept compliments. When someone tells you a nice thing about yourself, don't reject it, receive it. Believe it. (Or at least fake it til you make it.) And once you've become more comfortable with others' positive perceptions of you, begin to dig a little deeper and find the things you can love about yourself, embracing them from the inside out. They don't have to be physical features like gorgeous eyes or long legs. Maybe you're fiercely loyal to the ones you love, that says a lot about your character and who you are. Maybe you have an easy laugh; that brings joy to those around you. Maybe you're a great cook, or an excellent coach. Whatever the best part of you is, find it, and embrace it. You're worth it!